"If reality is dependent on what each person perceives it to be,Then reality as a collective does not exist."~MindChamber
"Do not be defined by your conditioning, Otherwise the rest of the world will define your path."~IntraFace

Vector Life Giver

School Of Visual Arts

Allentown PA

Joined on 6/20/00

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The most relevant comment at the end of reading this is just to simply say 'someone needs a chill pill'. I dont know how you can just be so arrogant and basically rude about someone so you can act all pretentious on Newgrounds.

Maybe Because she was a bitch? Sorry but not all of us were born with nurturing families or a silver spoon up our ass.

i hear you -- for the longest time, my parents looked down on what i did. i was always just "spending too much time playing games" and "playing on the computer." it never occurred to them that what i could be doing actual *work* and have so much educational value. i learned more from using computers and "playing games" than school ever taught. granted, my parents were right in saying that i needed to be more well-rounded and "get out of the house," but all the time i spent putzing around on the computer gave me a passion for learning and made me who i am today.

thankfully, my parents weren't too set in their ways, and now they really recognize the value in what i do. that, and my dad likes imdb, so i think him and the internet are on good terms now.

hate and the need to prove yourself can be a real driving force. but, like you said, it's probably not good to have it as your primary motivator. otherwise, it's easy to focus only on proving your antagonists wrong -- and not enjoying the passion for what you love to do.

*sniff* I love you mike,

Thanx alot.... sorry for being pushy..tho..

I tried to help you more than anyone here, and all you can do is flood my PM box demanding answers
life isn'tlike that. you want to contribute to newgrounds, make flash.

well i know u hated her, but what pissed me off was the queer who you were messaging. Pisses u off when some random guy over the internet starts calling u names or w/e. Its sad for your loss, but then again u hated her so...never stop making flash. thats all i got to say.

why are you shelling out cash for her funeral? it seems kinda anti-climactic.

anyway, congrats on having someone you loathed kick the bucket! :>

it is, but Its a promise basicly for my brother. since he the only family I have.

funny the way the shit works out... heh.

YOU are the reason i'm going to get good at drawing dudes. SO don't die on me XD

but I've been meaning to ask you..
Botz Attack Demo is pretty sweet man. Around when can I be looking for the game? :O

Thanks for the love, the botz attack game is kinda on hold ATM..

the programmer is going thru some tuff times. I dont turn my back on friends so I'm not gonna continue the game without him, and try and help him when I can. So when he finally gets on his feet Ill get back on the game with him.

I need a manipulating bitch in my life.


So, you can't just make Pico 2 without Tom. God damn him and his many obbligations.

so im guessing you enjoyed playing disorderly rite?

lolz yesssssssssss

Great story. But I don't think it was the death of your grandmother that temporarily demotivated you to animate. I think subconsciously you liked the idea that hate motivated you, and thus you gave yourself permission to stop working that day just to strengthen the theory. Like, I know hate can motivate you, but I don't think once your motivated one less person to hate can't stop you. Could be wrong, though... it doesn't really matter. There's always going to be people that hate you out there.

I remember when my sister said that I'd never get any of my google adsense money and that it was a scam. Now I get a cheque almost every month :) Or when she said that I'd never finish some project, etc. etc.

Here's how to heal.

Go out, buy a new lottery ticket, spit on it, and throw it on her grave.

She can't pay you back for any suffering she's caused but fuck her. You're still here and able to laugh, smile, fuck and fight. She's nothing but a memory now.

Best wishes man, you'll bounce back. Ain't no one going to hold you down. You ain't nothing but rainbows and sunshine since there's one less shadow in your life.

I'll have to agree with Mike on this one. If I understand you correctly, Jose*, you didn't "just" want to prove yourself to your grandmother (and to yourself, perhaps?), you also hated her quite a lot and that hate was also a powerful motivator to you. And that's not such a good thing, I'd say. Let me explain.

Wanting to prove oneself to others can happen for lots of diferent reasons, but mainly it comes from the fact that they don't expect it. That dosen't necessarily happen only from people that hate us (or do us harm), but it's not a bad thing, quite the oposite, it makes us to strive beyond what people expect of us; it makes us want to go beyond our (perceived) limitations. That obviously quite good, as long you don't go overboard (like everything in life).

Now that she's gone, you've lost some of your motivation and it really leave you feeling empty. I felt the same after passing my post-grad entry-exams; It had been such a huge part of my life for over two years that after the initial joy, I felt a little empty too. And it's quite normal and should pass when you find new motivations to drive you (in my case, it's the motivation to merely survive my post-grad).

But hate, that's something a bit diferent and, to me, it really is a bit like the "Dark side of the force". If your motivation is hatred / anger towards another, you don't just want to overcome the obstacles that person throws at you, you may also want to strike back at them. And I think that too may explain why you're feeling strange right now, since it's quite likely that you always wanted to see her suffer, and now that's she's gone, you may have lost that motivation and/or may feel guilty about what happend (incredible as it may seem).

Anyway, is hate a good motivator? What happens when people aren't aggravating you? Or what if you lose control and try to strike back at them? It's not impossible, I've certainly lost control some times and I regreted every single one of them...

I just saying all this because I admire your work greatly, you're a very gifted / talented animator who was produced many works that have brought me a lot of happyness by watching them (I still watch Pico's Unloaded from time to time). Whatever your reply (if you do reply), I say you deserve cheers and kudos for your animations!

* Can I call you Jose despite the fact we've never comunicated in our whole lives? Or, in this instance, do you prefer Mindchamber? And should I be giving out this sort of advice when I have an important exam just after tomorrow? Or any time, since I'm just a post-grad student in economics? And what if you just wrote all that to make me "waste" my time answering? I really, really shouldn't have writting this much...


... Too late now...

that was a great response, and thanks for your point of view.

and I agree I just need to find new motivation as well as inspiration. Though inspiration I get plent of at newgrounds thankfully

good luck on your exam.

hey, how about adding jase from killing spree in newgrounds rumble?

Hmm, I'm afraid I don't know you well enough to really make a call about what makes you tick, Jose, but when you were describing your enthusiasm for pre-production Transformers Comic Con and explaining to me what it was you would have done better, the writing you sent them, etc., I don't think you were doing it to spite your grandmother. That was for you.

When you and Bob were fervidly discussing back and forth the future of Newgrounds, I don't think you were secretly flipping her off then, either. But you sure seemed into it.

Passion is passion, and you've shown that you can reach for it from places other than hate. I'd have to guess that for better or for worse, she was important in your life and her disappearance is going to jar you a little bit. Time's gonna tell better than anyone who responds here, but I think you'll manage.

I feel like a jackass for leaving a short reply to so big an issue for you, but that's what I've got to offer. Good luck big guy!

Ya know... at first you seem like a big meanie/tough guy.
But after a long time a came to a realization. Your just honest with yourself and don't care what other poeple think. So basically... Your the strongest type of person out there.
When my father died and was there for my sister but didn't really care that much. He always spoiled his "little girl" rooten and always told me how disappointing I am and how my dreams will never come true. Eventually I stopped mourning him period. I figured "Why do I have to work hard to try to impress some dead guy I didn't even like?".
Ya got a good supply of fuel there man. lol Your actually quite lucky. :P

ur trash and a waste of skin ;D

you good for nothing peice of shit, you'll never amount to anything!

im helping :D

hey man. I love your work.

Your last words on this were pretty moving. You shouldn't take word from a bunch of knobs who can't animate (make that even DRAW) for sod all! I guess you could say you are one of the people who enspired me with your cartoons. I am starting flash animation now. Pretty soon, I guess I'll post here. Keep up your work dude!

You do NOT suck. You rule! :)

ok that post wuz cool but the real reason im here is i have an idea in NG rumble add Dirge from Xombie

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